What’s been in my mind

Today's journal title is provided by Alexi Murdoch - All My Days

I got a phone call a few weeks ago from my parents, they said that the family cat had been put down, the vet said that she had a tumor, she had been losing weight and been off her food for a while and I had been expecting it... but it always seems to blindside me when I don't see it coming. added a picture I took of Shelley a while back to her 'cute' collection.

This is the picture of her [link]

Looking at the notification message it brought a bit of a tear to my eye, but she also left a message.
'When a cat blinks, she (he) shows familiarity and comfortableness to you.
R.I.P.'

I just broke down, I couldn't stop crying. I always seem to get hit by some random reminder of a painful event and it just makes all my emotion come to the surface.

There's a song by Ben Folds called 'Narcolepsy', it refers to an emotional narcolepsy rather than the sleep disorder and is about when everything gets to much you just shutdown and become emotionless. I always seem to have been this way with negative emotions, maybe it's why I tend to have a positive outlook on life and always try to be optimistic. But it usually builds up and then I'm down for the count and not able to do anything and the floodgates open.

I've also recently been having a lot of stress with the final year project, which probably contributed to this. I have been far too complacent with it and I'm wishing I had done something different, while I have been enjoying aspects of it, the technical side always stumps me. I am so much more competent with animation itself rather than the modelling, rigging and other aspects - I can understand them to a degree and the general principals, but the execution and technical aspects stump me.

Animation, I love, I like seeing the motion, planning out action, giving a character life. But with my own in-experience with modelling and rigging, I have ended up with a character that does not animate so well. For a while I have been thinking I should have taken another route with my final year project, but now I am really regretting my decision to model and rig my own character.

I'm really hoping that I can pull this off, and I dearly hope I can pass my final year.



I want to finish talking about my cat Shelley.
As much as she was a whiny little thing, I really did care for her. She put up with me following her round meowing at her, putting my face right up close to her and stroking her with my head like she did to us when we here feeding her. Though she didn't always want peoples attention, she was a very adorable animal and she helped me feel better when I was feeling down or lonely.

She always loved attention... when she felt like it and as much as she annoyed the whole family at times, we all loved her. She was a rescue cat who had been mistreated by her previous owners, they pushed her off their laps and locked her in a room all because they thought she would hurt their new baby, and though she improved so much when we had her, she still hated people closing doors near her and up until more recently she would rarely jump up on people's laps.

I'm glad to say my family gave her a good life, she will be missed and the house won't feel the same without her.

RIP Shelley